at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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