go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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