Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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