I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
