I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
