You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
