He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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