if i can run in heels then i can drive
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
