Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
