Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
