Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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