I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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