Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
