he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drake has all the answers
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
