I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
