Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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