it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
