I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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