True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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