Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
