you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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