So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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