your room smells of hookers.
And success
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
