Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
