he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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