So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
