smell my finger.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
