Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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