you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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