My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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