Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need moral support for this bender
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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