guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
