see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
