so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
