White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
