; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its not stalking. its research.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
