We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
