i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
