was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
