She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
