Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
