Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
