Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
