It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
