worst night to have a conscience
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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