I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
