you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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