the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
