She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
