is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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